From Panic to Promise

A few weeks ago I had a little attack of anxiety.  It kind of went like this:

What year is it now?  2012?  That means the oldest is going to be ten this summer.  Ten!  Oh my!  That’s double digits.  That means he’s going to be going into 5th grade.

5th grade.  That’s just a year away from middle school.  I need to start looking into middle school curriculum.  This means I must look at what he will be doing in high school so that I can prepare him while he’s in the middle grades.  This means I maybe need to look at college requirements.  No, no, it can’t be time for college yet!

He’s going to be 10.  That’s just a stone’s throw from teenagerhood.  We are going to have to start thinking about talking to the son about the birds and bees.  Oh my goodness.   This time is going by too quickly.  There’s still so much to do!  We have so much to prepare for and not enough time.  Are we doing enough?  Of course not, and there’s no way we will be able to do even a fraction of the things we wish we could do and an even smaller fraction of the things we do do, will be done well.

Smack!

This is the moment when the husband has to tell me to snap out of it.  He does not really smack me, but actually just reminds me of the time (nearly midnight) and asks me why I have to have these attacks just as we need to be asleep.  He’s right, of course.  There is nothing to be gained from indulging in these panicky thoughts in the wee hours of the morning.  I just lose hours of sleep and accomplish nothing, except maybe some desperate prayers.  Things usually look brighter in the morning, so I tried and eventually succeeded in going to sleep.

The next morning, I did feel better, but the sense of a coming Big Event would not leave me.  This was heightened when the oldest said to me that he did not want to be a teenager.  When I asked him why, he said he was afraid of what it would be like.  Just what I was thinking!  I have this feeling like I am walking toward the edge of a cliff and, in a few steps, I will fall over the edge, but I can’t stop myself from moving.

Right now, things are calm.  We are all enjoying each other and parenting the boys is mostly fun and not too stressful.  But, I see the storm clouds in the distance and I know I need to prepare myself.  How?

Pray.

A Lot.

Love my kids with all my heart.

Teach them the truth while they are still listening.

And make a quilt.

Forget any other quilt I had in the works.  This one, the one that will contain hours of love, prayers, and protection is the most important project right now.  He may not know it when I give it to him, but this quilt will be part of his armour/shelter from the storms that are coming.

Every star is a mother’s wish.

Every stitch, a prayer.

Every color, a promise.

Endless Ride

My oldest once said to me that he wished he could ride a roller coaster for the rest of his life. At the time, I thought, “Wow! This kid really loves roller coasters. He must be a thrill seeker.”

What I should have said is this: ” Honey, you are on a roller coaster. It’s called life.”

It’s true, isn’t it? You never know what the next moment will hold. It could be an incredible high.

Or it can be something that will bring you so low that a reminder like this will be necessary.

Even on vacation, there are highs and lows. Yesterday, we had a wonderful time hanging out in Santa Monica, checking out the wonderful farmer’s market and riding rides on the pier. Today, the oldest is laid low in his bed with a resurgence of the cold from you know where.

The trick to riding the ride of life is to live in each moment and not in the one you had planned or hoped for. And to stay on the gondola. And don’t make any sudden moves you might live to regret.

How (not) to Have a Clean House

Here is a foolproof recipe for a Very Unclean House:

1. Have all children in the house get sick with the flu for a week.
2. As soon as the fevers are gone, leave town for a week and
3. leave behind the husband to do some home improvement projects.
4. Return from trip with a basketful of dirty laundry.
5. Right away, go have a good time with college friends you haven’t seen in years.
6. As soon as the kids go to bed spend time talking to the husband without being constantly interrupted by little voices.
7. Begin your homeschool year.
8. Schedule your doctor’s visit and dentist’s visit in the same week.
9. Have the kids begin a new instrument and double up on their swimming lessons.
10. Make three batches of jam.
11. Wash and iron the quilting fabric instead of the clothes.
12. Go to every store within 10 miles that might have curtains for the bathroom and drag the kids with you.
13. Go to Costco and buy a 10 pound bag of onions.  Then leave them in a paper bag until they start melting.
14. Allow the kids to play with some new toys on the living room floor.
15. Take an afternoon nap every other day.
16. Schedule meetings and activities for 3 out of 5 weeknights.
17. Schedule at least one activity or appointment a day.
18. Make a dinner that requires you to brown chicken and spatter grease everywhere.
19. Spend hours wondering if your kids are going to turn out to be productive members of society or not (don’t judge me.  you know you do it too).
20. Write blog posts whenever the inspiration strikes, even if it is 4 o’clock in the morning!

Mix all these things together in the space of a few weeks and you’ll have a Really Unclean House too!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go bake a cake (oh, did I mention I also agreed to make a cake to serve, like 40 people, for a church lunch?)